"Where-To-Wednesday" Adventures: Where-To-Wednesday Adventure #22: Slow Club

Slow Club. So…what does it all MEAN Basil… Foreshadowing on the night’s service? Embracing the international movement to preserve regional cuisine? A crock-pot driven menu? With their website providing zero background on the restaurant’s concept, we were armed with no info and left scratching our heads as we headed assumption-free to our latest Where-To-Wednesday Adventure at Slow Club. With a growl in my stomach and fingers crossed, I hoped the name had no connection to the waiting time I would experience before my tummy found a buddy. Many thanks to Anna who planned this 22^nd Where-To-Wednesday adventure at Slow Club, which Joce, Lindsey, Chelsea, Elizabeth, Becky, Neva, myself and newbie Bianca joined – and was fully completed with a cameo from Jackie who came all the way from Shanghai JUST for W2W. Obviously. No pressure Slow Club. So…were any of our preconceived “slow” notions correct? Read on friend, check the 0/10 scale and find out.

Ambiance 7: Contrary to my guestimates above, the truth may actually lie in their inability to make a decision. Slow Club has a rather odd set-up...as though three separate groups of designers and contractors slowly built three separate areas of the restaurant hoping their distinct visions would somehow create a cohesive feel across the restaurant. Interesting approach, and.....fail. It's just confusing. Upon entering the restaurant, you are essentially presented with the kitchen - - something that is typically hidden from all view or in the back of the restaurant. That said, kudos to Slow Club for changing it up. Give the masterminds behind the food the prime spot. The kitchen is small and eclectic, with pots and pans adorning the exterior and large modern lights hang down creating a pseudo barrier to the entry area nestled adjacent to it. There are a few tables that scatter within the entry/kitchen area but without a larger theme embracing it...you lose yourself for a moment wondering which diner you've just stumbled into. Those tables then lead the way to the main dining area. The feel here is more of restaurant, and the glow of candlelight and dimmed overhead lighting provide a cozier aura. But alas, it couldn't be that simple, could it? For some reason unbeknownst to us, the tables are sandwiched in between a garage door and wide curtain...which I must say, I waited patiently all night for someone to jump out and perform on what I conceived must have been a main stage. But that never happened, and so I am left scratching my head at the curtain instead of watching the show I was geared up for. By now you're probably wondering - what else could be packed in this place? What else could there possibly be room for? Food's best friend of course: the bar! Yes...they saved the best for last. If you can get past the awkward diner-esk entryway, and maneuver between the garage and curtain - both of which won't open so don't even bother checking them out - just keep your eye on the prize, and through the maze of tables before you...you will finally find your happy spot. With what seems to be a never-ending wall full of bottles, the bar is quite impressive. And if that's not enough, the loyal bar flys hanging on to every inch they can, will convince you that in the back is where it's at.

Wine 8.5: We opted for a bottle of the Sancerre and were not disappointed. Clean and crisp, this light-bodied wine was refreshing in and of itself and provided a perfect complement to the food. The wine menu had many affordable options to choose from, with most also available by the glass. See? You really have found your happy spot.

Food: This is a tricky one. Paying tribute to their ambiance, Slow Club seemed to divvy up their food focus into three areas as well. They're wildly different and as there is no real way to rate them all together, I'm not even going to try. Welcome to the good, the bad and the ugly - otherwise known as: apps, dinner and dessert. Are you up for a little game of pin the tail on the donkey?

Apps 4.5: Good things come to those who wait. As I watched and hesitantly tried each of these sad-looking dishes, I also hoped that good things came to those who ate bad appetizers. With a limited menu, I had assumed that all dishes were perfected to be outstanding and offered something different from the norm. Well, we all know what happens when we assume... yes, I'm the ass, have we met? Each appetizer was average at best...and to be honest I wished I would have kept a granola bar in my purse to tide me over until the main dishes rather than force-feed myself these app-efforts. Hoping you heed the advice to skip right to the mains, I'll humor you with the details of what you'll miss. You lucky dog you.

- Charcuterie Plate: This was a charcuterie plate. Exactly what you would expect. Salami, copa, proscuitto, pickled shallots, dry cheese, toasts and mustard to dip in. Nothing more, nothing less. Okay..maybe a little more. Possibly cheese that doesn't taste like the Mohavi Dessert..and maybe a few kinds to choose from? Perhaps this is where someone could have jumped out from behind the curtain and offered me a bonus round of cheese. I would have bought it...I'm just saying.

- Flatbread: As soon as I saw this I was wary of it. It had the look of flatbread that had been sitting out for days. I realize the irony of saying this given its name but...it was extremely flat, as though gravity had taken hold after several hours/days and forced the contents even further into the flattened crust. Minimal toppings, this flat bread held a thin layer of montasio cheese, a bit of pesto and garlic and fingerling potatoes.

- Escarole Salad: Roasted acorn squash, orange segments, cashews....well, I wish I could tell you more of what this salad contained but all I could taste, and now remember, is tangy dressing that will make your eyes roll to the back of your head to escape the taste. Lay off the dressing Slow Club, and this dish might have a fighting chance.

- Baby Spinach Salad: An odd and yet slightly boring mix of ingredients, the spinach was thrown in with egg whites, apples, chives and bacon. It was an interesting combination of flavors...not necessarily "good" but...interesting....

- Caesar: This is your standard, typical, run-of-the-mill salad...but I'll tell you, it was normal...and it made me happy.

-Fries: Contrary to the rest of the items in apps, these were awesome. Crispy, oily delicious fries with dipping sauces. Apps...you can thank the fries for boosting up your score. Who doesn't love a curve?

Mains 9: Just like the entryway of the restaurant, once you're through it - the worst is over. And on to the mains we go.

- Grilled Pork Loin: Hello! So this is food...yes...I remember it now. It's good to be back in the land of the living. Generous slices of pork are arranged atop a bed of roasted winter vegetables and pancetta braised collard greens, with juices flowing over from the pork and cascading into the mountain of vegetables. A hazelnut verjus salsa tops it off, adding a kick of spice to an already delicious dish.

- Grilled Prather Ranch Beef Sirloin: If you aren't a carnivore..this dish could do a pretty could job persuading you to become one. Thick slices of beef sirloin rest between a mound of spinach and sunchoke puree, with pomegranate seeds sprinkled on top. The spinach and sunchoke puree couldn't be more different - with the spinach's bitter taste and the sweet sunchoke puree, however, they just worked. Hints of garlic and a spice I can't quite put my finger on - paprika? - add a depth and tantalizing flavor combination to the entire dish. Absolutely delicious.

- Butternut Squash Lasagna: As you may realize from the description of the beef...I am not vegetarian. And I'll admit it - I had very low expectations for this dish. Of course I'll try it for the review, but..let's be honest. A meat lasagna is where it's at! How wrong I was. This dish tasted like home - with warm noodles wrapped up with layers of creamy ricotta, hearty mushrooms and and spigarello in a sea of sage cream sauce, finally topped with parsley, pecorino, romano cheese and crunchy breadcrumbs. The mix of light and hearty flavors, along with the combination of smooth, soft and crunch finishes, created a phenomenal dish - rich in taste and depth.

- Pan Roasted Mahi Mahi: Even the fish is rich and savory...and I'm realizing it's all about the sauces and purees. The chefs here do a phenomenal job pairing main dish with a puree that compliments in flavor and texture, and additional elements peppered on top to enhance the flavor and finish. The mahi mahi in particular is light, flaky and juicy - resting in a bed of harissa-carrot puree. Cippolini onion bulbs, bitter and spicy watercress and green olive-almond salsa add peaks of intensity to the overall flavor.

Dessert 8.5: Before we delve into the dessert, I'll let you in on a little secret. We did two rounds of the mains. TWO ROUNDS. I think we were overly excited about the change of events that took place when the apps were gone and the mains arrived. Dessert was yet to be determined....would it parallel our first experience or our second? Do we risk ending the meal badly after a solid performance from the main dishes? Take us to Vegas baby...bring on the desserts!

- TCHO Dark Chocolate Mousse Cake: What I remember most about this cake was how simultaneously moist and rich it was. I love rich chocolate cake but most times you sacrifice moist cake for richness. Not today. Intensely dark and delicious, served with a scoop of orange cardamom ice cream for a twist of flavor - this one was a winner.

- Chocolate Pot de Crème: Served up in a good-sized ramekin filled with light chocolate mousse, it is topped with a dollop of whipped cream - adding a rich finish to the light mousse.

- Caramel Apple Bread Pudding: As a chocolate lover, I almost passed on this. What a mistake that would have been. This was outrageously delicious. Piping hot moist bread pudding fills the dish, topped with crunchy pecans and drizzled with caramel. If that wasn't enough, it is finally topped with a scoop of thick, rich, whipped cream.

- Huckleberry Mascarpone Cheesecake: A spiced, sweet graham cracker bottom holds up this rich huckleberry marbled cheesecake. A generous helping of Huckleberry coulis both decorates the bottom of the dish and provides a sweet burst of flavor in every bite.

Service 7: The big reveal is before us....did the server live up to the name?? Pins. And. Needles. Well, if you're hoping so, then you're in for a bit of disappointment. Though she isn't gearing up to accept a Server Of The Year award any time soon, she kept things moving and was efficient. Given the size of our group, we elected a point person to do all the ordering and the waitress worked great with her and even provided recommendations. There was nothing overly special to knock our socks off with the service (note: you may want to take a page from Tony Giamani's book...), hence the 7...and to be honest, I like my socks knocked off. So, until that happens...average is as average does.

Pricing 7.5: With just about nothing on the menu over $25 (sans the wine), it kept our spend level in check - even given the excessive amount of food that we ordered. With our large group and splitting amongst each other, the costs are offset a bit and even the heavy ordering doesn't kick us in the gut too much. Including wine, dessert and tax it came out to $63 a person - not the most expensive meal we've had. (Although we were dining in a garage...) And that's good news, because I'm still making payments from our night at Contigo.

Noise Level: Smile and nod...and pray for no open ended questions. Welcome to our night. I see your lips moving and have no idea what is coming out of them. Smile. And. Nod. Because bad lip reading in real life is never quite as funny as watching the NFL version. Is anyone else dying to know what an orange peanut just might be? Well, bring it up next time you dine here and as you get lost in translation and bad lip reading, you may blindly stumble over the answer. And at the very least you could make the actual demand 'I want cake now!' and have your call answered. Heads up Harbaugh...THIS is your place for cake.

All About The Area: In a city so small it's only 7 miles by 7 miles, I'm always taken aback when I find myself in the middle of nowhere. All across this city, people are fighting for space. Apartments are stacked one on top of the other, piling high into the sky just so everyone has a spot to rest their head at night. And let's be honest, does anyone REALLY want to occupy that sad apartment above Greens? But space is tight and concessions are made...and if you are in fact living above Greens, you now must watch every football game on at any point in the day...whilst inhaling second hand smoke and watching hourly fights break out. So, when I find a restaurant close to...basically nothing at all....located on an eerily quiet street where Starbucks are (gasp!) closed at night...I'll be honest. It freaks me out. The city is loud and boisterous - noise is your friend who reminds you that you are safe in numbers. On a quiet, desolate street with no place to easily walk to after dinner, and no cabs to hail down to take you far, far away once you realize this....it leaves you with a slightly scary feeling of being all alone. For a city that insists on being in everyone's business (just take a grand ole ride on the 30 heading downtown), this area is not indicative of San Francisco...at least for now. It is in the Mission which is typically jam packed with restaurants, bars, and everything in between - but this particular spot is what I like to call a "pocket" of the Mission...and it just hasn't been filled with anything yet. Give it time....it won't be long before the people living close by decide they need a place to watch football. And then...it begins.

Overall Score: 7.4